When a parent loses a job

Money worries
During a long period of unemployment, money will become a major concern. You and your partner should discuss your financial situation privately, then inform the children of any aspects that may affect them. Warn them, for example, if you have to restrict your spending on birthday or holiday presents. Children are usually willing to accommodate this kind of change when you explain why it's necessary. However, if every dinner table conversation revolves around money at this time, it can be stressful for children. Try to make a budget and live within it.

When unemployment drags on to the point at which you have to sell property or possessions for money to live on, try to prepare the children for the changes to come. Promise them that they will know if a big change is to come. That way, they can put aside their worries until there is something important enough to worry about. Let them know as soon as you know if you have to move to another city to take a new job. Smooth the move by showing them pictures of their prospective new hometown and allowing an advance visit, if practical.

If the stress becomes too much for your family, seek help. An excellent resource is the book Life After Loss: A Personal Guide Dealing with Death, Divorce, Job Change and Relocation by Bob Deits. Some outplacement firms also offer family counseling. If you've not received outplacement help, perhaps a religious or youth group leader, or a teacher or counselor at your children's school might help your children deal with their stress.

How kids can help
1. Help with chores around the house.
2. Stay quiet when a parent is on the phone.
3. Never play silly games when answering the phone.
4. Always write down phone messages carefully.
5. Read the classified ads to help with a job search.
6. Do research on the Internet on companies where your parent has an interview.
7. Understand that there may be changes.
8. Understand your unemployed parent may have bad days. Ask him how he's doing.
9. Be respectful of spending restraints.
10. Talk it over with friends whose parents have also lost a job.

Excerpted from Raising Great Kids: Ages 6 to 12 by Christine Langlois. Copyright 1999 by Telemedia Communications Inc. Excerpted, with permission by Ballantine Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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