The truth is, Mean Girls often grow up to become Mean Women. You may work with one (or more), serve on the parent-teacher committee at your kids' school together, even sit next to one at every family get-together. Can you change them? Probably not. Can you change how you interact with them – for the better? Definitely.
We spoke with psychologist Dr. Joan I. Rosenberg, co-author (with Dr. Erika Holiday), of Mean Girls, Meaner Women: Understanding Why Women Backstab, Betray & Trash-Talk Each Other – And How To Heal, to get the lowdown on female bullies and how you can keep them from dragging you to their level of cattiness.
Understand what makes mean women tick
Mean women are often unhappy women. Although that doesn't justify their behaviour, knowing this may help you feel better about yourself. (It's not you: it's her.)
"Women often use meanness as a coping strategy," says Rosenberg. "Many girls and women have a hard time tolerating or managing 'difficult' emotions like being angry, competitive, jealous, envious or even aggressive." Females are traditionally expected to suppress these feelings, while males, on the other hand, get more opportunities to manage them, primarily though rough-and-tumble play and sports.
"As a consequence, when women experience these feelings, they tend not to manage them well and either turn the feelings against themselves (eating disorders or self-mutilation) or externally against other women," says Rosenberg.
It's easy to turn on a woman who is seen as a rival or who is perceived as "different" (e.g., way less or way more good-looking, who may not speak English as her first language, who is much older or much younger, etc.), singling her out for gossip, exclusion or outright hostility.
Page 1 of 2 – Learn what to do if someone is treating you unkindly on Page 2
