Profound incompatibility often just doesn't occur. Examples could include a strict orthodox Jew marrying an atheist or someone who wants six kids marrying someone who can't stand being around children. The differences are so severe that the match is not likely to occur in the first place. If it does, one, if not both individuals, is likely to become very dissatisfied with the way his or her life is turning out.
Another type of incompatibility occurs when one partner (if not both) is behaving "neurotically," unhealthily or immaturely.
If you are depressed, anxious, angry, insecure, jealous, picky, controlling, passive, obsessive or compulsive, someone else (i.e. your partner) will pay the price for your behaviour. This will interfere with the possibility of a good, healthy relationship. If any of these describe you or your partner, seek professional assistance in dealing with these issues sooner rather than later.
Another area of compatibility to consider when choosing a mate or deciding to stay with one, is the issue of lifestyle. Do you like the same movies, restaurants, types of vacations, healthy style of conflict resolution, money management, long-term goals, child rearing style, etc? There is a lot of compromise in the best of relationships. Each time you compromise, one or both of you get less of what you want. After a while, if this is excessive, it can become tiring.
How about personality? Are you similar in character, curiosity, vitality, intellect, appearance, sexual passion, artistic interest, adaptability, self-concept, moods, communication, kindness, autonomy/closeness, humour, sociability, energy, ambition, education, spirituality, values, morals, and ethics?
This list only scratches the surface but it is a guide for you to consider. The greater the similarity between two people -- including emotional health and maturity -- the better the chance of a relationship working long term.
Comment reported
Thank you for reporting this comment as inappropriate.
Back to Comments »