Child behaviour fixes

From anger and bullying, to whining and tantrums, kids can be a handful. Michele Borba, author of No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviours and How to Stop Them, sat down with Balance Television host Dr. Marla Shapiro to talk about some of the ways to deal with children's problem behaviours.

According to Borba, the most common behaviours parents complain about are: not listening, whining, temper tantrums and, as the kids get older, back talk and defiance.

"Each one of those kind of spirals, if you don't nip the first one it just goes to the second one then the third one," Borba said. "For instance the temper tantrum goes to the whine goes to the back talk goes to the disrespect goes to the defiance, so stop it in the beginning."

Borba noted the difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline, she said, comes from the word disciple "and it means you teach." The goal is to teach your child to act right without you.

Borba offers the following general suggestions for handling a child's problem behaviours. Her book offers more specific solutions to certain bad behaviours.

The Keys to Effective Discipline

• Target the behaviour
• Determine the rules
• Create consequences
• Follow through
• Reinforce good behaviour

Target the behaviour
You probably have many concerns about your child's behaviour, but target one or two. This is more realistic and less likely to damage your own sense of self-esteem. Pick the worst problem areas.

Determine the rules
After you've targeted a certain behaviour, you need a plan. Ask yourself the five Ws: who, what, where, when and why. Having a plan reduces your own stress level because you'll know exactly what you're going to do when the situation comes up. Don't give up, be consistent and intentional in your plan.

Create consequences
At this point you're ready to sit down with your child -- during a calm moment, away from the behaviour -- and share the plan. Tell them your concerns, what the rules are and what's going to happen if the behaviour continues. Also, don't just tell them to stop the behaviour, show them how.

Follow through
Once the rules and consequences have been set, you must be consistent. As parents, you must follow through every time, without exception.

Reinforce good behaviour
Nurture a positive relationship by rewarding your child's efforts to correct behaviour.

For more about Michele Borba, visit her Web site at www.micheleborba.com.