The buzz saw (the nonstop snorer)
Your man blows your socks off every night -- his snoring puts a lumberjack's special to shame. Once the buzz saw starts on them logs, there's no rest for the weary. His sputtering engine bursts into life with a roof-rattling snort, then mounts to a sleep-killing series of wheezes, gasps, buzzes, honks and blows. He's clear-cutting virgin forests. No woman alive could rest through this racket.
About four out of 10 men snore, nearly twice as many as women. You don't have to suffer in silence (as if!). Snoring may be a sign of sleep apnea, a condition that causes interruptions in breathing and that, left untreated, can lead to daytime sleepiness (increasing the risk of traffic or workplace accidents about 15-fold) and up the risk of heart attacks and strokes.
What to do
Book your beloved an appointment with his physician or at a sleep clinic. If it's sleep apnea, he may be fitted with a nasal mask (I prefer the term muzzle) to wear at night. It will apply continuous positive airway pressure to stop the snoring. If, despite your best efforts, the snoring continues, don't give in to temptation and stuff a tennis ball into his mouth. Stuff it into a pocket sewn onto the back of his jammies, instead. When he turns faceup (the favourite position for snorers), he'll feel that lovely lump and roll over. With luck, the snoring will stop and you will saw some wood of your own.
The thrasher (the undercover kick-boxer)
He kicks. He flails. And you wake up with bruises! Obviously, the thrasher has too much physical energy.
What to do
Take him for a long walk or an energetic bike ride in the early evening. Follow it up with a little romantic exercise. Worn out and happy, he'll sleep like a baby. Then again, he may have restless legs syndrome (RLS), a common cause of insomnia. If you think your mate has RLS, send him for a complete physical first to rule out an underlying problem such as diabetes. RLS has no surefire cure, but his doctor can share some advice that might help.
The furnace (the -- literally! -- red-hot lover)
He fires up while you freeze. He likes the window open in February. You shiver, even in the summer, clad in kneesocks, nightie and tuque.
What to do
Invest in a duo of duvets. Make his light and yours igloo-worthy. Then compromise on a room temperature that doesn't deliver frostbite when your nose peeks out.
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