Dating a player is a losing game

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Q: Call me crazy but I can't believe my situation. I met and fell in love with a great guy, an ideal man who is well-travelled, loves to cook, buys me flowers and cards and works around the house non-stop. We moved in together very soon thereafter (we are not spring chickens anymore and felt it was right). The problem is his job took him away for six months and on the eve of his departure (and after I had planned a lovely romantic evening) he met up with a former girlfriend who actually saw him off at the airport. He later told me he wasn't sure if we were "real." Still, he assured me he loved me and that I was the perfect and only one for him. When I then discovered that he was in e-mail contact with at least three former girlfriends I told him to make up his mind and choose. He promised me it would never happen again. Well, 11 months later I am back in a very similar situation. What do I do?

A: It sounds like you have had some serious questions about the wisdom of this relationship for some time and that you are blaming yourself rather than his bad behaviour for the predicament that leaves you embarrassed and self-attacking.

His actions and his words don't match. How can you not be confused? His words of love are being drowned out by his actions which say, "I'm not interested in a relationship with one person and I'm prepared to lie and cheat to hold onto my freedom."

He must be good at what he does as it sounds as if he has victimized a number of women. His need to be a player has somehow connected with yours, and theirs, to be played. At what point did his needs become more important than your needs?