From disappointing to unspeakable, these five scenarios will help you decide how to respond to your partner's unpleasant actions.
1. He or she embarrassed you
A Thanksgiving dinner with the in-laws left Tina Remillard, 35, red in the face. Before the meal everyone was asked to share something they were thankful for. When it came to Remillard's turn she got a mental block and couldn't think of anything to say. "My husband kept hounding me, 'You always have something to say. What are you thankful for? Why can't you think of anything?'" Feeling upset and embarrassed, Remillard left the table. Later she told him she didn't appreciate being forced to say something.
Communicating your feelings of hurt and discussing what behaviour you tolerate is important, explains Ratusny. Establishing rules early on helps to create boundaries and avoid misunderstandings.
Bottom line: Forgivable. Little tiffs like this are common course to any relationship. The best thing to do is express your feelings and move on.
2. He or she forgot an important date
Consider the context. "If you know it's not really who they are and they're just going through a stressful time or they've been sick, that's different," says Ratusny. Give your partner a little slack if it was a one-time slip up, especially if it's at the beginning of a relationship. It's too early to assume they don't care or aren't interested. A one-month anniversary may not have even crossed his mind or maybe he is forgetful, but you aren't aware of that personality trait because the relationship is so new.
"A deal breaker is only a deal breaker if it is symptomatic of other destructive relationship dynamics," says Dr. Bethany Marshall, author of Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away. "It is not a deal breaker when one bad thing has happened and is not related to other fundamental problems in the relationship."
In other words if it's an isolated event it's probably nothing. On the other hand if you've been left waiting in a restaurant all evening and that's only one of many let downs you've recently had, it may be time to deal with the underlying issue.
Bottom line: Forgivable, but examine the whole picture. Does your partner chronically forget dates or was it a one-time mistake? And if you know he or she is absentminded, don't take it personally. Do some pre-damage control. Try throwing out some helpful hints close to the date or send out a reminder email. Nobody's perfect and you'll both be grateful when the time comes.
Page 1 of 2 — on page 2, find out what to do if your partner lied to you.
