How to avoid becoming Bridezilla

The trigger: You'll get it wrong
Nicole says that getting married put her own relationship with her sister to the ultimate test. "All my life my sister has known how to make me mental. More than my mom actually. If I said black, she said white. I knew as soon as I said we were getting married she'd start trying to make me feel like I didn't know what I was doing, because that's what she always does."

Generally this trigger is the purview of older sisters who really know how to line up their sights. But that's not always the case. Sometimes it's the domain of the favourite child, whether older or younger. (And hey, no one wants to admit it, but many parents have a fave.) The wedding may well be a stage upon which to perform that old squabbling-sibs drama one more time. Whether it's a case of rank or family role, if there has been a lifetime of "sister knows best," what better time for her to know it than when you are making the biggest public statement of your fully formed adult self to date? Consequently, she may tell you that you have done any of the following.

• You've chosen the wrong man.

• You've chosen the right man, at the wrong time. (As in, "But you were just making a name for yourself slinging burgers in Tonawanda and now you're throwing it away so he can play jazz in Paris? Who cares that he's smart, compassionate, funny as hell, adores you and has an international recording deal?")

• You've hurt your parents' feelings, again. (As in, "But you know they're devout Unitarians and you're getting married in an Anglican Church. They'll never get over it -- again.")

• You've chosen a bridesmaid dress that makes her look fat. Or you've chosen your dress so that her dress will look frumpy beside it. Or you haven't chosen a dress at all -- you are so foolish as to believe that your favourite pantsuit, which you were wearing when you met your future hub, will be appropriate on your wedding day.

• You've forgotten ______. (Fill in the blank: her favourite brand of bubbly, the maid-of-honour gift or the rice that she and no one else wants to throw.)