How to deal with a partner's depression

5. Avoid arguments
Sheffield suggests trying not to get into arguments with a depressed individual. You may think you are speaking to a rational person, but they are not thinking rationally, she says, so the argument may not be based on reason. If you can sense a dispute starting, exit as gracefully as possible to save yourself unnecessary strain.

6. Talk about sex
Depression greatly diminishes your sense of pleasure -- sex included, Sheffield explains. Low or no sex drive often accompanies depression, and you absolutely have to talk about it, she stresses. Don't be embarrassed by this, because it's a very common problem. Talk to your doctor about what options there are for alleviating the situation and getting your sex life back on track.

7. Be a little bit selfish
Being with a depressed person puts you on the fast track to loss of self-esteem, Sheffield says. Don't allow your life to revolve around your spouse, or depression to rule your life. Go out, see your friends and maintain a life outside that of your relationship.

8. Whatever you do well, do it often
If you're good at your job and love it, spend more time there, take lessons or take a course, Sheffield suggests. You can lose your sense of self when consumed by your spouse, but by either spending more time doing what you're good at, or finding a new activity you love, you can reinforce your independence, she says.

9. Prepare for the holidays
The holidays are a tough time for many of us, whether or not there is a spouse battling depression in the picture. There are family dinners to contend with, financial strain, extra chores and added stress. There is also pressure on a depressed person to act happy around family, Sheffield says. But if you are both aware of this added pressure you can work together to make it as easy as possible, she explains. For example, allow your spouse some downtime if there are any holiday functions he or she doesn't need to attend, or agree beforehand to leave early.

10. Know when to step back
Remember, you can't save someone from depression if they don't want to be saved. You can say and do all the right things, but if your spouse isn't ready to help him or herself, none of that will matter, Sheffield says. At some point you may need to step back and admit you've done everything you can until your partner is ready to make steps on his or her own.

Is someone you know depressed? Read the 12 things you should know about depression.

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