How to know if you're ready to have kids

In problem-oriented societies, children are often reduced to the difficulties they bring with them: noise, mess, time, and the money that they cost. In short, children are viewed from the "complicated" perspective. We would like to encourage you to regard children with "simplifying eyes." We're certain that the largest happiness you can experience on your homestead is the arrival of new occupants who have you - and you alone - to thank for their existence. Children make your homestead into a vital, lively, and especially lovable place!

An irrevocable relationship
The more noncommittal relationships become, the less couples remain faithful to each other for their whole lives. Temporary relationships develop, suited to a certain phase in your life. With a child it's different: a child can't occupy just a particular phase of your life. Having a child means entering into a lifelong relationship. Family sociologist Bernhard Nauck hits the nail on the head: "Parenthood is the only obligation left in the modern multi-open society that can't be renounced."

Over and over we hear discussions in politics and media about the costs of a child. Couples ask themselves: can we afford a(nother) child? Women ask themselves: how do I juggle career and children? Men ask themselves: can't we be happier as just the two of us?

You can collect and debate arguments for and against children your whole life long. But this question can't be answered with reason alone. So we offer you the following advice for simplification:

Open yourself up to your future parent-power
We are convinced that you carry a personal navigation system within you to guide your way in the land of love. Each person has a vision of how his life should look, but only a few people have access to this picture. They mistrust their life-GPS and put their faith instead in external "facts" that they read in newspapers. They trust what their parents, teachers, or friends say. They don't dare to ask anymore what answer is slumbering inside of them, what assignment they may have received from life, what dream they should transform into reality. It is a tragedy how much bravery is no longer thought and how much greatness is no longer done.

Place both of your life-navigation systems next to each other when you move into the homestead. Picture it: How do I want to live? How do I want to live together with you? How do we want to live? What ideas flash up inside of you? If both of you find a clear inner picture of having your own children, then you will probably have these children and love them and find some way to feed them, regardless of any material or occupational obstacles!

Page 1 of 5 — on page 2, learn to ignore your biological clock.

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Excerpted from How to Simplify Your Love, copyright 2008 by Marion Küstenmacher and Werner Tiki Küstenmacher. Used by permission of McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced except with permission in writing from the publisher.