If Mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy Part 1: Mommy martyrs

If Mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy: Give your family the gift of a happier you this holiday season
Our week-by-week action plan for having the best holiday season ever with your family. Don't forget to read the other parts in the series:

• If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy 2: Perfection is passé

• If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy 3: Lose the holiday guilt

CanadianLiving.com motherhood columnist and bestselling author Ann Douglas gives you the inside scoop on getting through the holidays without snarking at your family or totally losing sight of the spirit of the season

Part 1: Mommy martyrs
If the holiday martyr suit doesn't fit, don't wear it....

Mommy martyrs are so last millennium. They have been since the June Cleavers of the world ruled the Earth: pearl-sporting, picture-perfect mommies who wouldn't dream of complaining about writing the holiday greeting cards, shopping for hubby's side of the family or whipping up a festive dinner for 24.

Things have changed a lot since then, including the average mom's ability to slip into the holiday martyr suit with ease. And when the suit doesn't fit particularly well, the results can be, well, rather unpleasant.

"When you say yes to all who ask for your help, you will likely feel, or worse act, like a martyr," explains Susan Newman, PhD, author of The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It-And Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill).

"You get overtired, anxious, and crabby. You wind up resenting those who asked for your help, angry with yourself for agreeing, snarling at your partner and children, rushing everyone along, and miserable because you've used all your physical and emotional reserves. Instead of enjoying yourself and your family, you struggle through whatever you do and look forward to the end of the holiday season."

Needless to say, you're not a lot of fun to be around. In fact, when you insist on serving hors d'oeuvres at your neighbourhood open house by yourself, everyone is happy to cut you a wide berth.

"Nothing ruins a party quicker than a martyr," explains Andrea O'Reilly, PhD, founder of the Association for Research on Mothering at York University.