Sexual desire rises and falls with the tides of life, say the experts, and a young, first-time mom is just as likely to fret about her low libido as a menopausal empty nester – and not necessarily because they are both swimming in hormone soup. Though it may come as a surprise to many women, the experts agree that stress, fatigue and melancholy are the real enemies of Eros.
"We are not the playthings of our hormones," says Dr. Christine Derzko, an associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology, and internal medicine at the University of Toronto. Despite the estrogen peaks and progesterone valleys that occur over a woman's life span, she says. "Hormones are not the major issue in libido – the psyche is a bigger player."
Dr. Rosemary Basson agrees. The director of the sexual medicine program at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Basson says, "There is a huge link with mental health. We have found that the vast majority of women who complain about low desire – who perceive they have a problem and seek medical help – are either being treated for depression or, even if clinical depression is not present, they tend to be more anxious, have lower self-esteem and are more emotionally volatile."
Betito echoes that assessment: "Depression is the number 1 cause of low libido, followed closely by relationship issues that usually have to do with long-standing resentments. Sex is an all-over experience for women," she says. "It requires buy-in from the mind, body and soul." So if you're feeling lousy about yourself or your relationship, you may need to look beyond the bedroom for a solution (see "Tips for Improving Your Sex Life," page 4).
Get a checkup
That said, it is possible that a low libido could be the result of something medical, says Betito, so it's worth mentioning your concerns to your doctor. For example, while hormones are not to blame as often as we think, a lowered libido could possibly be the sign of something hormonal, such as menopause. If not physical, a lack of desire is often related to a relationship issue. "It's also important to know that fluctuations in a woman's sex drive will happen throughout her life cycle," says Betito. "Be concerned if it lasts a while and you can't seem to find yourself interested in sex." But in most cases, says one family doctor, women who see their GP with worries about their stalled sex lives need nothing more than reassurance that they don't have a problem.
Meeting in the middle
The bigger challenge is resolving problems that arise in a relationship when partners have an unequal desire for sex. "If you're having sex once a month and neither you nor your partner feel neglected or rejected, then there's no problem," says Betito. The trouble comes when one person's feelings are being hurt by sexual demands or droughts.
Page 2 of 4 -- What's the best way to get in the mood? Discover the surprising answer on page 3!
