Maintaining male mojo

Learn how to up the romance factor in your bedroom!

Gone fishing
If your partner would rather spend time with his buddies or alone than with you, he may be worried or upset about something that needs to be resolved. Have a conversation around expectations of shared intimacy and shared space. Low self-esteem, depression and wounds from an earlier time can leave scars that keep him unavailable to the healing love you want to give. You didn't cause the pain and you can't fix it, but you can support an open, supportive forum for change.

I'm dancing as fast as I can
Many couples are sleep deprived. That, plus the multiple stressors of career building, family maintenance and paying the mortgage, can make meaningful sexual activity a distant memory. Sex is an integral part of a good relationship and a good relationship is an integral part of good sex.

Some like it hot
You and your partner may have very different ideas about what makes sex great that go way beyond him liking leather and you liking lace. Some of these are resolvable and others aren't. A candid conversation about preferences and practices will determine if the fit is there. This may be a deal breaker for either of you.

A buddy yes, a lover no
If your partner is coming to terms with questions around his sexual orientation, he may make you an offer that you need to refuse. Decide what you can live with and what you can't, just as he must.

Time for teamwork
Your man may be intimidated by the strength of your sexual desire or feel it is unmanly to ask for stimulation during intercourse. Experiment with the many ways to be intimate beyond sexual intimacy. By the time they reach their 40s, many men require direct stimulation and increased partner involvement to achieve and sustain an erection. Chill out and put pleasure and playfulness ahead of performance!

There is a positive reciprocal relationship between sexual pleasure and sexual desire (positive reinforcement principle). It feels good and works well, so let's do it some more.

Inhibited sexual desire often indicates an intimacy issue. Both men and women desire and require intimacy. Lack of respect, sarcasm, caustic put-downs and, of course, the involvement of a third party, such as a lover or an intrusive family member, are definite intimacy killers.

Recommended reading: Rekindling Desire by Barry and Emily McCarthy.

Read more: Sex and romance: how to have both.

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