If you would like to ask any of our experts a question, please click here
Q: I knew that my boyfriend sometimes looked at magazines and videos and would surf the net for pornographic sites when we first got together. I thought it was just something that guys do but I know that I really don't like it when I feel that I have to compete with the women in his fantasies. No one can look that good 24 hours a day! I'm quickly losing respect for him and for myself. What should I do?
A: Men are turned on visually. They enjoy looking at the female form. A woman might notice her partner admiring an attractive woman. This behaviour is normal and in no way detracts from his feelings for his partner. Some men enjoy looking at pictures of nude women in magazines or online or may watch pornographic videos. This can range from recreational use that can be entertaining or even educational to addictive behaviour that becomes a way to escape from problems or to relieve distressed feelings such as helplessness, depression, anxiety or shame. It can also be a fetish with sexual gratification coming from focusing on an object rather than through a relationship with another person.
Women have varying reactions to this behaviour. Some women are very accepting and do not find it offensive. Other women object to their partner using material that objectifies women. Still others experience considerable distress over their partner's use of pornography. To them it is a kind of infidelity: damaging to their relationship, their own self-esteem and their view of their partner.
Comment reported
Thank you for reporting this comment as inappropriate.
Back to Comments »