Quiz: Are you a good partner?

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You're caring and compassionate, you like to have fun, you've even been known to shower a gift or two on your spouse. While all those things might make you a good person and a great catch, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a good partner -- especially if you're the only one in the relationship having fun, or you only offer gifts after a big, unresolved argument. What does it take to be a good partner? Try our quiz to find out.

1. You and your spouse argue over (enter topic here) and don't resolve it before bedtime. You:
a) Say good night, even though you're still upset
b) Sleep in another room
c) Stew and don't get any sleep
d) Wait until your partner is almost asleep and bring up the argument again

What you should do:
a) Say good night, even though you're still upset
That advice your mom gave on your wedding day still rings true -- don't go to bed angry. Anger eats a person up, no doubt, and when it festers, discussing the initial problem becomes harder. You don't have to resolve the issue right away -- you can sleep on it -- but you do have to let your partner know that you still love him or her.

2. You train with your partner for a marathon. He qualifies, you don't. You:
a) Wallow in self-pity
b) Ask him to wait until you both qualify
c) Cheer him on
d) Sabotage his efforts

What you should do:
c) Cheer him on
Guess what? Marriage isn't a contest. Sure, you may sometimes be a bit jealous of your partner's success, and you shouldn't deny your feelings, but you also have to remember that your partner's drive is probably what attracted you to him or her to begin with. "There is no trophy for bettering your partner," writes David Niven, author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships. "The real prize goes to those who refuse to compete with their partner. That prize is contentment and a more satisfying relationship."

3. You are most like:
a) Lorelai with Christopher on Gilmore Girls: What you say goes
b) Laura with Rob on The Dick Van Dyke Show: You talk things out
c) Archie with Edith on All in the Family: You're right, everyone else is wrong
d) Marie with Frank on Everybody Loves Raymond: You're good, he's evil

Who's got it right?
b) Laura with Rob on The Dick Van Dyke Show: You talk things out.
Whatever happened to those loving TV couples? Whether art imitates life or life imitates art, one thing is clear -- Laura and Rob had an understanding and inspirational marriage. Why? Because whenever they had a disagreement, they sought a resolution and then laughed about it. They were never out to win, to be proven right or to be the "good" one. As psychotherapist David Richo writes in his book How To Be An Adult in Relationships, "We are not working individually for the ascendancy of our own positions. We work together for the health and happiness of the relationship."

4. After a disagreement, your partner feels:
a) Belittled
b) Disappointed
c) Respected
d) Stabbed in the back

Your partner should feel:
c) Respected
If you think back to all those disagreements, chances are it's not the topic you remember but how you felt afterward. If you want to maintain a loving, long-term relationship, you have to respect your partner's opinion. You don't have to agree with it, but you do have to listen and try to understand. Arguments come and go, but feelings last forever.

5. After a long day at work, you:
a) Work more at home
b) Go for drinks with colleagues
c) Hang with your kids, BlackBerry in hand
d) Recap your day and listen to that of your partner's

Partners that are good communicators usually:
d) Recap the day and listen to that of their partner's
A relationship requires two people. If one of those people is continually lonely because the other works long hours, goes out with friends more often than not or is physically present but mentally away, then there is no relationship, only two beings living in the same home. If you're causing your partner to feel alone, it's time to reexamine your relationship and the meaning of commitment.

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