For mothers:
1. Don't criticize
This is the number one complaint I hear from adult daughters about their mothers. What feels like your efforts to help just makes daughters feel hurt and inadequate. Daughters need their mothers to view them as competent adults.
2. Listen
Whether it's life struggles, feelings, wants or needs, just listen supportively and empathize with your daughter. Avoid giving advice, which may reflect your values or desires but may not be the best decision for her. Ask questions to help her to figure out what she wants to do with a given difficulty or life situation.
3. Allow breathing room
Let your daughter make her own life decisions, even if you disagree with them. Let her make her own mistakes and find her own way through tough situations. Just make sure she knows you're supportive.
4. Draw on your own experiences
Think about what you would have liked your own mother to have said or done differently, and try to do these things for your daughter.
Carole-Anne Vatcher is an individual and couples therapist in private practice in Toronto, and an expert in the Relationships channel of Balancetv.ca. You may have seen her appearance on The Erin Davis Show or her writing in The Toronto Star and the American Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. Carole-Anne helps clients to transcend painful emotional patterns and deal with relationship struggles. She assists couples to stop fighting and to re-experience warmth and connection.
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