Suspicious minds

Although all jealous feelings are "real," sometimes -- as in Beverly's case -- those jealous pangs may be your first warning that something really is going on.

Kayla, who describes herself as "not a naturally jealous person," had known Mike for two years and lived with him for six months. One day, she accidentally discovered half a dozen photos of another woman in his sock drawer. Although she felt immediately suspicious -- who wouldn't? -- she told herself the pictures were of a different period in Mike's life -- an old love he was still working out of his system, or something like that. Then, a few months later, Mike received a Christmas card from a woman she'd not heard of or met. She demanded an explanation and discovered the woman was the same one featured in the photos -- which weren't, as it turned out, as out-of-date as she'd hoped. She dumped him on the spot.

Briggs says if you're not someone who's typically the "jealous type," then feeling jealous now might be a reliable sign that you should be.

In addition to out-of-character suspicions you might have, Cebulski advises that it's wise to be sensitive to any strange behaviour on the part of your mate. Is he suddenly working late without a convincing explanation, when he never worked late before? Does he get defensive or evasive in response to your casual inquiries? Has your sex life suddenly gone from great, or even OK, to zilch? Even if these signs don't necessarily mean your mate is being unfaithful, they're clear signs that something has changed in your relationship that's worth looking at, says Cebulski.

The best approach, adds Briggs, is to come right out and tell him your fears, then ask what you want to know. But be prepared for a response you won't necessarily want to hear!

Ultimately, jealousy isn't necessarily "bad." Mostly, it's a simple emotion, and at its best, it can warn you that somebody in your life really is feeling a seven-year, or a four-year, or a six-month, itch. At the same time, if you're finding that unfounded jealousy is ruling your life, says Briggs, "you need to understand that, while it is a natural human emotion, there's such a thing as too much of a good thing." And of trying to scratch an itch that isn't there.