Although it's likely that your loved one will devote the majority of her free time to feeding you peeled grapes while you recline on a velvet divan, for those occasional times when things don't go super swell, you'd best learn some strategies. Some people think that conflict resolution is easy; others, like myself, view it more akin to imposing peace on the Middle East. Were it only that simple. Child-care issues. Career demands for both partners that cut into time with each other and with family. The classic juggling act that most of us are performing means that potential friction points are greatly increased. "Weren't you supposed to pick up Debbie from gymnastics?" "I thought you said you'd drop off the dry cleaning?" "You're going to L.A.? Tomorrow?! You didn't write it on the calendar!!" So how to deal with conflict? Some broad-stroke advice:
Life is not an arm-wrestling match
Today, there are (allegedly) no gender roles: men cook and clean; women pull down the big salary and the high-pressure office gig. But old habits die hard, and in many homes women feel that they are stuck doing more. If this is how your loved one feels, it's likely she'll exhibit an interest in telling you about these feelings. Never mind that, since you work from home, during your "lunch break" you folded three loads of kids' clothes, emptied the dishwasher and liberated the stainless-steel appliances from the scourge of greasy handprints. Apparently, though, you still have ample room to up your game. Aside from blowing an artery, there are two ways to deal with this.
One is to write down everything you do that contributes to the smooth running of the household. Make sure you include cleaning the barbecue, cutting the lawn, watering her plants, changing the litter box for her kitten, picking up her clothes and, of course, cleaning the stainless-steel appliances. (Pointing out that she has never actually done this herself is a nice touch.) After finishing, present her with a list as long as a full toilet paper roll. Cross your arms. Smile thinly. Victory is yours!
Except it isn't, because her list will be just as long. (Um, when was the last time you planned a full week of meals, dude?) A better way is to write down everything that has to be done between the two of you and then, if it's unbalanced, re-designate the tasks. You'll see how much she has to do, while she'll take a look at your daily workload. Often it’s revelatory for both. Result: empathy. And the aversion of full-scale war.
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