Avoid oh-so-treacherous emotional traps, Dr. Read explains. She encourages speaking in terms of facts, rather than feelings. "Instead of saying, ‘We never have sex’, say, ‘We’ve had sex once over the last three months'," she says.
A couple won't get anywhere arguing about feelings, but will make headway when they discuss the facts.
5. Learn to love your body
What happens to your sex life if you don’t believe you're sexy? And how many of your think your breasts are too small, or hips are too large?
Dr. Read's solution to our insecurities: Get over yourself!
"Body-worth starts from the inside. The best way to start loving your body is to take the best care you can of it. When we start paying special attention to our body, we start to gain an appreciation for ourselves," she says.
6. Be single-minded
Remember when you were single and in lust with your new partner? That's when sex was creative and fun. Recreate passion by thinking outside the "established-couple" sex box.
"Being single is a time of experimentation where we dabble in different sexual arenas," Dr. Read says. "A newbie couple has a lot of sexual self confidence that enables them to communicate that they want to try something new and the courage to actually do it."
7. Intimacies vs. orgasm
OK sisters, it's not all about orgasm. "Women need to start communicating and showing their partner that their sexual needs have more to do with intimacy than with orgasm," says Dr. Read.
"Too often, sex leaves little to no nurturing of the woman, so many women feel (consciously or unconsciously) that sex is just another thing that's taking and not giving back to her."
Dr. Read encourages telling your partner that instead of intercourse, you'd sometimes rather a full body massage, a co-bath or to drink a glass of wine together.
8. Sex as sport?
Olympic sex? What a concept!
"Good sex is a thinking person's sport," Dr. Read declares. "Generally, people put zero time and effort into creating interesting sex and expect that those 10 minutes every two weeks they get together with their partner should be mind blowing. That's why they’re focused – some might say obsessed – with penetration sex. They haven't thought outside the sex box."
Start focusing on having interesting sex, and your sex life will improve almost instantly.
9. Touch your honey
When thinking sex, it's important to think beyond the bedroom. Dr. Read encourages touching each other non-sexually often.
"Most couples stop being affectionate and tactile with one another and that's a big reason why it's difficult to get things initiated in the bedroom," she says.
10. Be nice
It sounds so easy: just be nice to your special someone, every single day. Dr. Read's last hot tip is a simple one: "Look for a reason to be nice to your partner every day. Either we're taking our partner for granted, or we pick at what they did wrong. Sexual desire is more easily ignited when we don't have to overcome any tension with our partner."
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