My husband, David, was waiting at the door when our daughter, Laura, and I pulled in the driveway. It wasn't like him to be home this early; something was up. David walked to the car and unbuckled Laura's seat. He picked her up, held her tightly and looked directly into my eyes over the roof of the car. The disbelief on his face told me everything.
"Do you still have a job?" I asked.
"No. Redundant," he answered, looking away from me.
"When?"
"In two months."
"OK," I replied calmly. "We will figure it out."
I actually had no idea how we were going to figure it out. I immediately started to think of how we'd cut costs and who we should start to get in touch with. That night, after David had fallen asleep, I cried myself to sleep, and frequently sobbed in the shower in the days that followed.
I knew the loss of David's income would have a significant impact on us. He had worked for the same insurance company for 21 years and is our main income and benefits provider. I work at home caring for Laura, and my freelance income is sporadic. We have debts. Yes, we knew David would get a severance package, but job hunting takes time.
Still, I was more concerned about my husband's emotional state than our financial situation. David's sense of identity was tied to his job. He called his parents to tell them about losing his job, but didn't say a word to anyone else for weeks. He told me that he felt "demoralized" and like "a failure."
It was tough for me to watch David struggle with unemployment. His severance package included career transition services, such as interview coaching, and he received a book with exercises to help him deal with his new reality. David would diligently work through the handbook, but he also spent time sitting in his La-Z-Boy, surfing through daytime television and wondering how he'd gotten there.
One night a couple of weeks after he lost his job, David woke me just before midnight, sweating, pacing the bedroom floor and saying he felt funny. We spent the night in the ER waiting to see if he had a heart attack. Thankfully, it was just a severe anxiety attack. It was then that I knew I needed to do more to understand what my husband was going through. Here is what I learned from my own experience – and from talking to experts – on how to support your spouse through a job loss.
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