Although David had been diagnosed with a severe anxiety attack, his family doctor didn't feel he needed medication to deal with anxiety. The health scare actually galvanized David, and he started actively searching for a job and didn't suffer another panic attack.
5. Realize that your children will sense the situation is different. Kids feel tension from parents, so give them age-appropriate information. Younger children can be told that some things, such as pizza nights, have to be cut for a short period, says Henderson. Older teens can participate in the family discussion, and be encouraged to make a contribution for their own hobbies or sports, if necessary, by finding a part-time job, if that is agreeable to everyone. Henderson adds that parents should reassure kids of all ages that the family will pull through this, and try to maintain a regular routine in the meantime.
• What worked for us: We told Laura that Daddy was staying home for a while, but she kept all her normal playgroups. I underestimated the impact that David being at home would have on our family, though. Laura and I had a good routine going during the day; everything was predictable – until David stopped working. I limited television; he let Laura watch as much as she wanted. I could deal with Laura's mood swings; David had a hard time picking his battles. He would wander down to the basement with Laura when I was working. After a couple of days of trying to complete work projects on the computer while Laura played under my feet and David played Xbox beside me, I instituted a new rule: if the baby gate at the top of the stairs was locked, the "don't come down" rule applied to both of them.
From then on David and I took turns using the computer and keeping Laura occupied. When I was hired for a major project, I purchased a laptop. In the end, the experience had a positive effect on our relationship. David now admits that he has no idea how I get any work done during the day while caring for Laura.
6. Personal support systems are crucial. Henderson says that unemployment can trigger other losses, such as loss of friends, structure and social interaction. A job seeker needs to "get out, get busy and start doing things so that he is not alone, and set measurable and achievable goals," he adds.
• What worked for us: David had good friends who stayed in touch with him and made sure that he kept up his biweekly card games. We also compiled a list of friends and professional acquaintances and told them what type of work David was looking for. I leaned on my close friends and family to stay positive. I also needed to vent about my concerns for David's wellbeing and the challenges of working around both Laura and her dad. Venting kept the anger where it belonged – at the situation, not at David.
This story has a happy ending: David landed a one-year contract in his field.
Read more:
• Help, I need a new job!
• When a parent loses a job
• Tips on starting a new job and fitting in at a new company
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