4 ways to get what you want in your relationship

If you're feeling unsettled or discontented in your relationship, you are not alone. We all have moments when our partners don't make us feel like we are the most special, important parts of their worlds -- or even anywhere close. But instead of moving on to another in hopes of landing a mind reader, the solution may be as simple as asking the right questions, choosing the right moment and speaking up for yourself in a nonthreatening way in order to make your current relationship thrive.

With the help of Deborah Barry, a couples counsellor and therapist known as The Happiness Coach, we have pulled together some simple, effective ways you can get to the root of what's bothering you about your relationship, along with the best times to share your feelings and the various benefits of setting goals together.

1. Picture it
Before you bring your partner into this discussion, ask yourself: What does a satisfying future together look like to me? We asked Barry for some personal inventory techniques that she recommends to couples in her practice.

"Visualize what you picture when you think of a great relationship. This will help you find words for it. Does it fit with cosy, comfortable and content? Or does it fit with adventure, excitement and passion?" This exercise is valuable because, if you can't picture it, how can your partner participate with his own overlapping vision?

Details which may seem insignificant may actually have a huge influence on your own personal happiness. "Do you visualize a couple living in the country or in a city? In an apartment or a house? Are they curled up watching TV together or are they out dancing? What did your parents do that made you feel good about their marriage?" asks Barry. Nailing down those details can help you define what you're missing in your relationship.

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