Trina Dolenz, relationship therapist and author of Retool Your Relationship (Wiley, 2010), admits that January is often when she gets the most amount of traffic through her door. Dolenz is realistic about relationship ups and downs. Her mantra is: You're not in a relationship unless you're in a struggle. But, she maintains there are resolutions that you and your partner can make to have a more fulfilling and successful partnership.
1. Communicate clearly
One of the biggest relationship problems is communication. Check in with yourself at this time. Are you making your thoughts and wishes clear? Are you getting through to your partner about what you want or what you need? "People often speak the wrong language to each other and think they are understood," says Dolenz.
You need to clearly, and regularly, communicate your needs, dreams and goals. For instance, let your partner know that you want to move into a house, own a vacation home or have children. With clarity comes understanding, which ensures you are both on the same page and don't resent each other.
2. It's OK to be selfish
"Compromise can be a dirty word," says Dolenz. Compromise suggests that one person in the relationship is not getting their wants and needs met completely. According to the therapist, couples tend to compromise too much. Her suggestion? "It's counterintuitive, but if you become more selfish and more self-aware, you will actually strengthen the relationship, because you recognize and value your own goals and needs. Once you are fulfilled and happy, you can give more to your partner."
3. Be realistic about your goals
We often make goals that are too lofty, or alternately, too vague. Instead, they should be realistic and strategic. "The goals have to be achievable, but once you've voiced them and got them out in the open with your partner, you have a partner in crime. It's someone who can observe the success," says Dolenz. "Once something is voiced and shared, it becomes reality. It's a real way of making something happen."
Page 1 of 2 -- Discover how planning life goals, finances and even sex can improve your relationship on page 2
