"Divorce-proofing is a daily, ongoing task," says Sharon Y. Ramsay, a Toronto-based marriage and family therapist. "It takes real work to make it for the long haul." But do you know what to focus on? Here are eight ways to make your marriage work for good.
1. Talk, and listen
Make sure to share your thoughts with each other, daily, if possible, and to take interest in each other's lives. "I am yet to consult with a couple who has not pointed to 'poor communication' as the source of their relationship woes," says Ramsay. Also, she adds, make sure to check in with your spouse to ensure that they're truly hearing what you're saying -- and that you're receiving and understanding right back. "This is a responsibility that both people share," Ramsay says.
2. Kiss goodbye and hello
"Hugs, kisses, quick squeezes, even holding one another's gaze are ways in which the couple can affirm their connection and commitment to one another," says Ramsay. Pausing for a hug and a kiss before you leave for work in the morning may seem like a small thing, but the warm glow it gives you is something to look back on all day.
3. Do fun activities together
Find a shared outside activity: Ballroom dancing, jogging, foreign films and gardening are some examples Ramsay suggests. They can help you both keep learning about each other, she says. "While these hobbies can seem frivolous, they can actually serve to remind the couple of what they have in common and encourage them to relate to one another as a real people."
4. Have independent lives
Don't live life glued together. Make sure to have your own hobbies, interests and friends on top of your shared activities; you'll maintain a sense of your own individual identity and have lots to talk about with your partner to boot. "Before we ever knew our spouse existed on the planet," says Ramsay, "we had dreams, ambitions and interests that probably contributed to us making that love connection." She suggests that both partners continue to pursue at least one independent hobby or activity in order to nourish both themselves and their relationship.
Page 1 of 2
