By the last day of the retreat there's a lightness in the room, as if a collective burden has been lifted.
We are no longer a group of strangers. We share photos we had been asked to bring of ourselves at different stages of our relationships, and talk about how we feel about ourselves and our spouses in these pictures. Positive memories come flooding back for all of us, even Craig and Laura. (I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for them.)
For Jeff and me, the retreat offered the perfect opportunity to refuel a relationship that was in danger of running out of gas. We've developed new habits: We have breakfast out together once a week, and take time at night after the kids are in bed to check in with each other, sharing what we're grateful for before going to sleep.
More significant, there's been a shift in attitude; an acknowledgement on both our parts to take our share of responsibility for any problems in the marriage. There's also a new willingness to overlook those small irritants – whether it's his dirty socks on the floor or my obsession with tidiness – that can erode contentment in married life. So now, instead of being annoyed by Jeff's snoring, I'm trying to be thankful for the presence of a loving partner each night in bed.
4 ways to refresh your relationship
You can be in a long-term relationship and still have a romance that newlyweds would envy. (Yes, really!) Here, Canadian sexologist Trina Read, author of Till Sex Do Us Part – Make Your Married Sex Irresistible (Key Porter, 2009), offers a few tips.
1. Give your relationship a checkup. Talk to your partner and find one thing you both want to change (such as having a weekly date night). Focus on it until it becomes a habit and then move on to your next goal.
2. Make a list of things you find romantic (candlelit dinners, receiving an unexpected love note in the mail). Ask your partner to do the same. Exchange lists and make a pledge to listen to each other.
3. Make an effort to be more playful and laugh together – in and out of the bedroom. It will keep you enjoying each other's company.
4. Studies show that couples with successful marriages schedule sex. And those who put a little nooky on their agendas really do have sex more often.
Page 4 of 4
