Admit it. You’ve asked your partner something you didn't want the honest answer to – like if he thinks you've gained a few pounds (when you know you can't fit into your 'big' jeans). Clearly there is a difference between white lies told to assure you and malicious lies told to hurt you. "Telling the truth is the foundation of a good relationship, but sometimes it's necessary to hide the truth in order to save the relationship," admits AskMen.com relationship correspondent Curt Smith.
If you sense you're being betrayed or even catch your partner in a lie, speak up. "The more open and honest you are the easier it is on so many levels. If you've got nothing to hide there is no reason to lie," says Ratusny.
Bottom line: It depends on how big the lie is. A little white lie is forgivable, but a big, mean lie is not and you may need to reconsider the relationship or seek therapy.
4. Cheated on you (and/or accused you of cheating)
Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. Emotional cheating can be just as painful as infidelity and both are symptoms of an underlying problem. If a couple is committed, moving on requires dealing with the real issue head on. "Even if the couple stays together it takes a lot of work," says Ratusny. "The problem with sex is that there is no going back. I'm not sure if couples ever fully recover from [infidelity]."
But what if you've been accused of cheating? Jennifer Andrade, 28, now happily engaged, previously had a long-term relationship with a man who made such accusations when he learnt she had been spending time with a male friend. "Being accused of cheating on him was almost as bad as if I had found out he cheated on me," admits Andrade. "I was devastated."
Bottom line: There is no cut-and-dry answer for this type of betrayal. It also depends on what type of cheating was committed - was it an emotional affair or was sex involved? Open up to someone you trust like a clergy member or a therapist who can help guide you through the difficult time. If it’s early on in the relationship it’s probably best to get out, but if you’ve been together for many years working it out may make sense. According to Ratusny, if you do decide to save the relationship, both partners need to be committed in dealing with the underlying problem.
5. He or she doesn't get along with your family/friends
It can be initially nerve-wracking to bring home your latest beau, but it's even worse if the welcoming is less than pleasant. When parents or friends dislike your partner it's often a warning sign. They can't help but look out for your best interest. "Friends and family are more objective," says Ratusny. "The family isn't going to turn a blind eye as easily and can spot a bad behaviour the person is overlooking."
That doesn't mean you should immediately end a relationship if the people closest to you don't love him right away. There are instances when parents have difficulties accepting the person because of their own personal issues. Ratusny had a client who disliked her daughter's live-in boyfriend, but after doing work in therapy with her realized it was more about her historical view of men and her critique of a certain behaviour, when in fact her daughter was very happy.
Bottom Line: Forgivable, with a caveat. It's not always easy for a new partner to get along with your family members and friends. But, you should listen to what your friends and family have to say because usually they are bang on in their observations. Whether or not you agree with them is up to you. If you and your partner are committed to being together then do so openly. Having a secret relationship – because of religious differences for example, is too straining on both parties. In these situations Ratusny usually finds the couple break up because it's just too hard to act underground. Be honest with yourself and receptive to your family and friends initial opinions, but follow your instincts. It’s your relationship, not theirs.
Read more:
Quiz: Are you a good partner?
10 secrets of a good marriage
How to get good marriage counseling
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