Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men (Jossey-Bass, 2005) and founder of the website drscott.com, says he was inspired to develop a support system for married men because of his own life.
"Nothing I read in a medical journal prepared me for the experience of marriage," he says. "Women have so many resources available to them in their quest for a better marriage. I was surprised to find there were no similar, non-commercial resources on the Internet for men." After all, Haltzman says, "Fifty per cent of every (traditional) marriage is a man -- shouldn't we be able to benefit from research and information as well?"
Haltzman's website received a positive response -- from both men and women, who, he says, were happy to gain some insight into what their husbands are really thinking.
Haltzman's book was one of Time.com's Six Books for a Better You and is one of the few self-help books that targets men and provides them with the tools they need to work on their relationships. We spoke to Haltzman to get his tips on how both husbands and wives can work together to have happier marriages.
Vive la difference
Guess what? Men and women are different -- in almost every way. The communication breakdowns between husbands and wives make perfect sense, says Haltzman. It's matter of our biological hardwiring. In a nutshell, Haltzman says that different parts of our brains make men and women act and react differently and that we need to accept this gap, rather than try to close it.
"Men are task-oriented, so if their wives want them to simply listen, they need to present it as a task," Haltzman says. "Simply say, 'I'm going to talk now and I just want you to listen.'"
Too many marriage counsellors try to bridge the gap between men and women, Haltzman says, by encouraging men to adopt innately female traits.
"Guys don't need to be soft or tender to be successful husbands," he says. "We can use what we've already got to make our marriages work."
Page 1 of 2 -- Discover how happily married men express their love on page 2
