I was lonely when we first moved into a new community and I made an effort to get to know other stay-at-home moms in the neighbourhood. A number of months after we arrived, I took a part-time job in a field that I love, manuscript editing, which allows me to work from home. Suddenly, my time became both richer and fuller. Perhaps I should have been clearer about my boundaries with one of my neighbours right from the start because I now feel trapped and having to hide in my own house when she drops by or phones, almost daily with apparently unlimited time on her hands. What can I do? Signed: Held Hostage!
Hello Hostage... I have visions of you sliding down behind the sofa and clamping a hand over your child's mouth while your neighbour tries to peer through your front drapes. If comments to this woman about your new time commitments have had no effect on her behaviour, bring out the heavy artillery...the unedited truth. Script what you want to say beforehand and even deliver it by telephone if it helps. People can only be expected to know and respect our boundaries if we tell them what they are...sometimes repeatedly. It is unrealistic to expect her to read your mind on this issue, so be very clear what you can offer and what you cannot. The cost if you speak up for yourself: perhaps some initial anxiety if confrontation is not easy for you. The benefit: self respect. Don't let resentment rob you of the joy of your new job and the energy and creativity that is required to do it well! If you feel that some components of the relationship are mutually enriching and worth keeping, do so, but on your terms.
Comment reported
Thank you for reporting this comment as inappropriate.
Back to Comments »