Answers from Expert: Marion Goertz, DMin, RMFT

What you describe can be quite a typical and yet discouraging stage of a relationship which has become depleted while your best time and energies, for many years, have been diverted away from strengthening the marriage to the necessary and important tasks of raising kids and maintaining the home. The good news is that since your job list is shorter now that the kids are growing up, you can take some of that time and dedicate some energy toward your own development in exciting and fulfilling ways. You are delegating household duties to your teenage children aren't you? Start with a thorough medical examination for yourself which should include scans for both depression and peri-menopausal symptoms. Your sexual desire and your overall feeling of well-being could be impacted by shifts in body chemicals at this stage of your life. This is a wonderful time to be a woman, and you will want to learn all you can about your physical self in order to be able to take advantage of every moment of it. As your own sense of awareness and acceptance grows you may feel more confident in approaching your husband to talk about how these could be some of the best years you could share together as a couple. He may need encouragement and affirmation at this time just like you do. It's time for candid talk, renegotiated understandings and renewed commiment. If the two of you seem to get stuck in old, hurtful communication cycles, seek help from a counsellor or clergy person to ensure that the conversation is mutual, respectful and hopeful. Good for you for listening to your head and your heart on this one. And by taking charge of your life and living it well, just think what you'll be modelling for your children as they begin to consider their own long-term relationships! --Marion