I have a 14 year old daughter who is in grade 9. We just received her first high school report card. She has a B average with a 79 in science. However, I am worried about her and her relationship with her boyfriend. He is 16. He has been kicked out of school recently for non attendance (he just got a full time job and say he plans on going back next semester. She insists on seeing him daily and is very defiant if I request that she come straight home after school. I am pretty sure that she has "smoked up" and I was called one night to pick her up because she was vomitting due to alcohol. I was pleased that she felt confident to call for my help but worried at the same time. I haven't seen her drunk since. My gut says she was stoned last night. I am 100% positive that forbidding the relationship will not work. But I am at a loss on what my reaction should be. For the most part, her teachers had positive comments except for one. It seems that she has been skipping the last period of the day which has resulted in a mark of 68%. She says the class is boring, she just needs to get the credit and get out. What would you advise? (Her father and I are together).
While it is beyond the purview of this column to provide crisis intervention, your baby girl is at risk. Do everything that you need to do, immediately, to pull together a team of people to support her and you through this difficult time. You and your husband must work together as team captains and your child needs to hear a clear and concise message from both of you, such as: You are unfathomly precious to us, we're concerned about you and we are going to be here for you through this.
Her perspectives are important to listen to, but you, Mom and Dad need to step up and be the parents, the adults in this one. Seek support from a school counsellor, leader of your spiritual community, medical doctor and family counsellor experienced with teen issues to get the information that you need. Act now. Speak firmly and with love. And, as much as we don't like to hear it, our children sometimes act as a barometer for what's going on in our own marriage. You and Dad need to be on the same page and pull together for the sake of this child.
--Marion
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