Answers from Expert: Marion Goertz, DMin, RMFT

Dear Still Hopeful, Your question is similar to many that we receive and yet the sadness and pain that you are feeling at the dwindling connection in your relationship are unique to you, as are the circumstances. Taking care of the business of life over a period of time can take most of our best energy and drain our joy juices. This doesn't leave much for our most important relationships and they can become conflicted or indifferent. If your partner is willing, I would encourage you to spend some time with a third party counsellor to see if the flame can be rekindled and a new batch of good times undertaken. Someone who is trained in the field of emotion-focused work with couples is likely your best guide to making this happen. This is a type of couple work that has been shown to have excellent success rates in helping partners identify and heal attachment injuries in their relationship and change the common dysfunctional pattern of attacking/withdrawing. As new understandings and fresh perspectives are acquired, new hope and warmer, more fertile common ground is often established. To find an emotion-focused counsellor in your area visit www.eft.ca -- Marion