Answers from Expert: Marion Goertz, DMin, RMFT

Dear Greener Grass. You're right on time, meaning that after two years, the glow will have somewhat gone off of the honeymoon phase of your marriage and your gaze will have begun to stray outside your nest. While this is normal, what you do next will impact the rest of your life and those of many other people. Sobering isn't it? After the celebration comes the real work and you are now being called upon to step up, not necessarily to step out. You owe it to yourself and the commitment you've made to give your covenant relationship some more time and conscious effort. However, your restlessness is an important signal that something isn't working for you. Listen to that and begin with a self assessment in terms of your satisfaction levels. Are you where you want to be physically, emotionally, spiritually and professionally? Change the things about you that are your responsibility to control and see if your increased self-confidence and competence reflects a growing satisfaction with what's going on around you, including your marriage. If your husband's quirks are beginning to grate, work on communication and conflict resolution skills designed to make the necessary renovations to your love nest -- each of you being responsible to eliminate the emotional/relational junk you brought in. Get outside help if you need it to coach you through this important transition to deeper intimacy with your mate. Once you invest in fixing up your surroundings you may not be as willing to leave! Marion A general note: We as women often make the mistake of thinking our happiness and our completion must come from outside of ourselves, often from a relationship or a job. This age-old fallacy needs to be challenged at every level of our being if we are to indeed find satisfaction and fulfilment in all areas of our lives. To like and enjoy ourselves, alone or in a relationship, is a primal, God-given need. Choose to take responsibility for your own happiness today and pass on healthier, self-fulfilment truths to your daughters, nieces and the women you mentor!