Answers from Expert: Marion Goertz, DMin, RMFT

Sadly there are no quick and easy remedies to heal a heart that has been betrayed, rejected and abandoned. While your husband's leaving says more about his style of coping than it does about your value, it nevertheless signals an end to how you had expected your life to play out. There will be a time for new hopes, dreams and expectations, but first comes the time to grieve. This allows you to take stock of who you are and what you want and brings your thinking and feeling together to make the best decisions possible to secure your future. Ensure that your legal rights are protected through consultation with a good lawyer. Relationship breaks are seldom clean and clear, so I suspect that you have struggled with this situation for some time. Perhaps life is also confusing right now as you know that your husband is once again alone. Take time to grieve your hurt and loss and to hear the wisdom of your heart and head. Recovery is sometimes the longest and best road we can walk. When done right, it leads right through the middle of the pain. Don't expect it to end any time soon. Sometimes all we can do is try to fortify ourselves with as much courage, grace and humour as we can muster. Expect that you will have less energy and that, for a time, you will feel situational depression accompanied by actual physical pain. That is normal and natural as your body manifests the trauma that your mind and heart are coping with. Speak with a medical person or a counsellor if you begin to have dark and heavy thoughts that are difficult to manage. You may have heard that marital separation is sometimes like having open-heart surgery without the anesthetic. A part of you has suffered a heavy blow and healing time and acquiring new understandings of your own value are the most effective remedies. Surround yourself with good, safe people who can mirror the truth about your worth and your potential as a woman in the process of becoming her very best self at this stage of her life. Marion