Answers from Expert: Marion Goertz, DMin, RMFT

Have a question for one our experts? Visit the Just Ask section of CanadianLiving.com No sex after menopause? Say it ain't so! As life expectancy increases so does our understanding of human functioning, including our capacity to enjoy sexual expression at all ages and stages. While taking into account the impacts of medical conditions and wounding life experiences, we will always be sexual beings and will have needs and desires throughout our lives. Menopause is a normal part of the aging process for women and with it often comes some vaginal dryness due to a decrease in hormone production. Diminished sexual drive and decreased ability to engage in intercourse can impact either partner at any stage of life. You may wish to speak with your doctor or one recommended by the Canadian Medical Association together, or with a local marital therapist trained in this area, about the possibilities and the challenges of this stage of your life as a couple. Expression of physical intimacy will look different for you now than it did when you were in your 20s but that is no reason to give up this special connection that keeps the relationship strong and the heart light. Studies show that sexual activity, with one partner, is directly linked to good health and happiness. I've had couples in their 80s say they are now enjoying some of the best sex ever. Like a fine wine that gets better with age, so does lovemaking in a committed relationship. Through touching, holding, caressing, skin to skin contact, people are continuing to find pleasurable ways to be intimate that suit their new energy levels and physical abilities. Intimacy in all areas of their relationship improves for a couple as they take time together to be loving and to talk about what feels best for them now. You may want to pick up the book Love and Sex After 60, Butler, RM; Lewis, M. The need to feel connected, accepted and loved lasts throughout our lifetime. Discuss with your partner your feelings of hesitancy and hope about what you can do to enjoy your own sexuality, each other and this precious life that you have together. Marion