My wife and I have been a couple for seven years and married for over a year. During that time I had an affair that lasted five months. I am still in love with the other woman but I'm not sure if I should leave my wife for her. I have never had the same feelings for my wife that I do for the other woman. How do I decide?
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I'd be very surprised if you could have the same feelings for your wife as you did for the other woman, considering the fact that you had only five months with the latter.
This short a time frame couldn't possibly have produced the kind of intimacy that you have had with your wife, which is nurtured by time and shared experience. I would encourage you not to base your decision to stay or to go on the limited information you have about either the other woman or even who you saw yourself being in that relationship. A relationship that grows out of deceit is often doomed from the start.
You have a greater chance of having a long-term, satisfying relationship with someone you know and work through difficult times with than with someone who has been a co-conspirator in a short-lived, clandestine affair. One is real and the other, mostly fantasy.
However, you may have lost the option of remaining with your wife. She deserves immediate and total honesty and will understandably be skeptical about trusting you in the future. There have already been a number of casualties in this situation. Do what you can to move forward with integrity and honesty.
Marion
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