The first time I had sex, I had an orgasm. That was the only time, unless I do it myself. I'm in a long-term relationship now, just over three years, and I haven't had an orgasm once while I've been with my boyfriend. My doctor says I'm healthy and that I have no medical conditions that would affect this. What can I do to have an orgasm?
Since you are able to reach orgasm and are physically healthy, we can likely eliminate any medical issues here. If you begin to have pain or bleeding during intercourse however, by all means have your doctor check this out.
I believe that 80 per cent of good sex has to do with good relationships and adequate information and that the balance has to do with technique or physical issues. We know that only a small percentage of women actually reach orgasm through intercourse alone, while many require additional stimulation to achieve satisfying results.
Is this something that you and your boyfriend can talk about? Does he know where and how to touch you in order to pleasure you? Talk about it, read about it, try it! If, on the other hand, this isn't about lack of experience or creativity in your lovemaking, there may be other types of intimacies lacking for you with this person. This could cause you to be unable to allow yourself to relax and enjoy the release through orgasm.
Does this relationship feel safe and secure? Injuries to one's self-esteem or sexual identity through past abandonment or abuse can also keep you holding back and unable to reach orgasm with a partner. It makes sense then that when you feel you are in control and are in an ideal place of safety and can relax, as through self-pleasuring and masturbation, you can almost predictably reach orgasm.
You are responsible for the quality of sex that you have. If you are convinced that this boyfriend is one you want to commit to long term, work with him to make your lovemaking what it was meant to be: a team sport!
Marion
Comment reported
Thank you for reporting this comment as inappropriate.
Back to Comments »