I'm a 24-year-old newlywed with a 10-month-old baby and a marriage that is not so admirable. My husband is into chatting online and it bothers me a lot. I can't stand the idea of him chatting and flirting with all the girls he chats with. We've fought so many times about this and I've even pleaded with him several times to give up his chatting for me. Yet he still does it. I tried my best to tell myself that it's only chat and there's nothing wrong with it. Unfortunately, I can't do it. Am I too insecure about this or do I have a good reason for asking my husband to give up his chatting?
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It sounds like we have two lonely people here, you and him.
Understandably, he wants to relax and connect with someone at the end of a shift and your own long days with an infant probably leave you exhausted and feeling like a single parent, placed in the role of nag. Your talk and sleep cycles are out of sync and I hear that his chatting feels like cheating to you. Your marriage can't survive indefinitely with such stressors. (Read The anatomy of a great marriage.)
Talk with him when you're both available and feeling rested, perhaps on a day off. Tell him that you miss him and want things to be better for both of you. He may offer to wake up a few minutes early before heading to work and to give you a call before your bedtime to share how you're both doing. You might tuck a love note into his lunch with a promise for a special snuggle the next time you're together and both awake. Reflect back to a time when you were dating and invite him to join you in planning something for just the two of you. Get a friend or a relative to baby-sit and find creative, economical ways to be intimate. The potential for a happy home environment for all three of you depends on it.
Marion
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