Answers from Expert: Marion Goertz, DMin, RMFT

You and your boyfriend are experiencing the many changes that pregnancy brings and the mixed feelings that are naturally a part of the package. Ideally you should take some time for the two of you to talk and share what's on your minds about what's about to happen, before your schedules and your energy levels are diverted to the needs of the little one. Toward the end of the final semester of your pregnancy, check with your doctor regarding the advisability of engaging in sexual intercourse. Babies are pretty hardy and with patience and humour you'll likely be able to find ways to be intimate and pleasure each other with maximum comfort and safety. My colleague, a registered marriage and family Therapist adds this: "Perhaps your boyfriend has been having a difficult time with your changing body and the image of mummy to be. This is not an uncommon experience for couples during pregnancy. It's important for your boyfriend to hear the message, 'court me, I am still a sexual woman.'" Try to invite your boyfriend into greater intimacy with you, his real-time lover. Perhaps he has been feeling lonely and left out during this pregnancy and hasn't known what his new role is in the family. However, be clear about the fact that you did not cause his struggle with pornography nor can you fix it. Studies tell us that, unchecked, it can be an exceptionally difficult issue for couples to deal with and will ultimately threaten the emotional, relational and sexual health of both of you. If he is willing to do some housecleaning in this regard, in preparation for the baby's arrival, encourage him to speak with a counsellor and consider going with him. Your child and both of you deserve a healthy, happy home in which to live and thrive. Best to all of you! Marion