Since my dad died in 2002, my sister has cut herself and her family off from the rest of us, even my mom. What's up with her and how do we encourage her to come back into the family? She has two daughters who are missing out on their extended family and we are missing her and her family as well.
The death of a family member is what we call a nodal event. This is something that has sufficient impact to send reverberations throughout the family system with a variety of outcomes.
Things just aren't the same as they were. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's confusing and unsettling. The withdrawal of your sister could be a reaction to her feelings about your father and the changed family dynamics, perhaps even involving a deep wounding from the past. It could also be related to something presently happening in her own life.
Either way, compassion is the order of the day. I also hear that you miss her and would like to hold onto the sense of family that you have left. The person who has remained closest to her could approach her with a non-judgmental invitation to join in activities that work best for her, either now or in the future. If she is not able or willing to re-establish that link, this needs to be respected.
She is making what she feels are the best decisions for herself and her own family at this time. Keep the doors of your home and heart open to her. There is more change ahead for all of you and either one of you may need to seek shelter at a family's hearth in the days ahead.
Marion
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