Answers from Expert: Marion Goertz, DMin, RMFT

Over 30 per cent of all women experience low sexual desire at some time in their lives. Perhaps that figure is even understated as many things can impact a woman's willingness to be open and vulnerable. She must feel safe and loved to want to share in such an intimate way with her partner. The hormonal shifts you are experiencing during menopause may well be diminishing the degree to which your vagina will be properly lubricated and comfortable during intercourse. If that is the case, try one of the many lubricants available at your local drugstore. Do not use a petroleum-based product or one that has perfume added as it might irritate your skin. The walls of a woman's vagina tend to become thinner at this stage of life as well and infections can result due to the friction that occurs during intercourse. Bladder infections may also be more frequent. You may consider having your doctor check your testosterone levels as this naturally occurring body chemical can increase desire/lubrication, and increase the intensity and pleasure one might receive during lovemaking. Testosterone supplements, creams -- and soon patches -- will be available for your consideration. Your doctor can provide you with information on the side-effects of their use which will help you make the right decision for you. I am a firm believer that good sex comprises 80 per cent relational and emotional well-being and only about 20 per cent physical technique. Checking with your doctor to discuss any concerns about pain, discomfort and to ensure overall physical well-being is the first place to start. Certain medical conditions, medications and use of street drugs, alcohol and tobacco can impact sexual desire negatively for both women and for men. Knowing your own body and feeling entitled to satisfying sex will help build positive anticipation for love making. By far the most important component is being in a safe and supportive relationship with someone who is committed, faithful and prepared to work with you as a team to ensure that making love is a good experience for both of you. You may have inadequate knowledge or faulty understandings about sex along with some wounding in this area from your past. Seek healing for yourself. You are well worth the investment! Consult a registered marriage and family therapist with special training in human sexuality or a sex therapist in your area if you wish to acquire the support and knowledge to achieve your goals as a couple in this important area of your relationship. Thanks for writing, you have expressed concerns that many couples share. Marion