Answers from Expert: Marion Goertz, DMin, RMFT

If you have a question for any of our experts, please visit our Just Ask page. I hear the loneliness and frustration in your voice, as well as your longing to know that you matter to your wife. The hysterectomy, which is major surgery, will likely have had an impact on both her self image and her desire for sexual intimacy. However, a caring, supportive partner, which is what you sound like, and good information from her medical doctor can go a long way to helping her feel emotionally, physically and sexually whole and in good spirits. You miss the intimacy and physical connecting that you once shared and you have every reason to want that to continue for many years to come. Encourage her, for herself initially, to find out what physical and emotional symptoms may be isolating her and keeping her from receiving the love that you want to give. Do an attitude check on yourself: are you sensitive, kind and emotionally available to listen? Are you careful about your own personal hygiene and physical appearance? Do you remind her daily how important she is to you and how much she means to you? In these ways you are making love, even if for the time being the sex is not happening. If your wife is unable or unwilling to even talk about these things with you, it may be time to bring in a third, impartial party such as a doctor, spiritual leader or counsellor. In Ontario, visit www.bestco.info to reach a qualified sex therapist. Marion