How can I help my daughter cope with the cold treatment she receives from her step-siblings' mother? She has never even invited her inside her home and completely ignores my daughter when we run into her. She seems to be taking out her hostility toward my husband on my little girl and she has even destroyed her toys and laughed about it. What do I tell my daughter when an adult is spiteful toward her at all times and she has nothing to do with it?
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Depending on your daughter's age, it is possible that you might be even more aware of, and sensitive to, this woman's behavior than your daughter is. Nevertheless, it is something that does require adult intervention and explanation.
It sounds like her contact with your daughter is limited and that is a good thing. She should never be left with her unsupervised. Bottom line, bullying is not acceptable at any time, anywhere. The adults do need to intervene in this, involving the children as little as possible. Specifically, your husband needs to speak up and clearly present your jointly-crafted, non-negotiable position of zero tolerance -- one that has clear consequences if not adhered to.
Advise your daughter that this is a very unhappy woman who tries to make other people unhappy too. She does not need to accept bad treatment from the ex and should feel free to speak with you about the things that upset her in any area of her life. Your daughter may be quick to pick up your own ambivalence toward the woman so be cautious about placing her in a position of tale bearer between households.
Marion
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