I'm 25 and I've been married for two years to a really nice man. However, when I think about being sexually intimate with him I almost become physically ill. I also have a lot of pain when we try to have intercourse. I love him and want to be the complete wife for him but I also want to do what's right for me. Is there any hope for us?
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Your feelings about wanting to be sexually intimate with your husband are understandably conflicted. You love him and yet you naturally also want to avoid pain. It's my view that sex shouldn't hurt and that expressing your sexuality and being sexual are normal, wonderful parts of being in a committed relationship.
First of all, there are a number of physical conditions that can cause intercourse to be painful or even impossible. Have your medical doctor check for symptoms of vaginismus, vulvar vestibulitis and vulvodynia and localized infections. Sometimes a minor procedure is required for your hymen to allow penetration to happen more easily.
Next, talk with this nice man of yours about what is happening for each of you now, as well as any negative experiences from the past that might be limiting your ability to be sexually relaxed and open. Together, perhaps with the help of a trained counsellor, you will be able to find ways of being physically intimate that work best for both of you, whether intercourse is on the menu or not.
Marion
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