How strong is your sex life? Try to answer without telling me how many times a week you make love or how many times you both reach orgasm or even how your performance compares to what you read about in magazines. A strong sex life has to do with meaningfully connecting with a wisely chosen lover. This isn't to say that seeking "the big O" -- or multiple Os -- isn't a worthwhile and pleasurable endeavour, but if you focus only on the numbers, they won't add up.
Popular media suggests that prowess trumps personality and that it's okay to struggle with scruples as long as your horizontal samba sizzles. Performance is key -- measurable outcomes, in the form of simultaneous, earth-shaking orgasms, seem to be the way to separate the good guys from the mediocre. But we're in big trouble if we're counting on Hollywood to show us how to do it. We're at risk of putting technique over tenderness and valuing orgasm over intimacy.
Why such a mystique about anything sexual? While there's more education than ever before about how bodies work and how relationships evolve, I think we're still wondering, on a personal level, if we really measure up. If surveys show that the average couple makes love three to four times a week and we only do it on Saturdays, are we hopelessly flawed and inadequate? What if we were to throw out the rating cards and get back to the basics of living and loving in ways that celebrate the amazing sexual beings we were created to be?
I'm proposing a reflective, noncompetitive approach that is more about touch and less about technique. You will know your sex life is strong when:
1. You enjoy your body and regularly bathe, groom, nurture, exercise and rest it. You are grateful for its strength and its softness.
2. You delight in your sensuality and explore with curiosity and not criticism the sensations and the wisdom of each age and stage, celebrating gain rather than mourning loss.
Page 1 of 2 -- Find new ways to become intimate with your partner on page 2
