How to boost your sex drive

Is your libido in need of a lift? Find out how you can keep it hot in the bedroom -- even when you're not really feeling it

By Jen Kirsch

How to boost your sex drive
©iStockphoto.com/Goldmund Photography
None of us look particularly sexy while we're running around town tackling our long list of things to do. And after an exhausting day, getting in the mood seems unlikely. But remembering to feed your mojo is important -- especially if you want to keep things hot in your relationship. In fact, having an active sex life is important for maintaining a healthy relationship both with your partner and with yourself.

Relationship expert Trina Read says that sex often goes to the bottom of our to-do list when we have many responsibilities in our day-to-day lives.

"A lack of sexual desire -- the thoughts and actions you have around sex -- is the number 1 reason couples in North America stop having sex," she explains. Here she offers five ways to ramp up your sexual desire.

1. Don't be negative about sex
If you have negative thoughts about sex before, during and after a sexual encounter, they will profoundly dampen your desire to have sex again.

"I call it the ‘oh crap' phenomenon," says Read. "‘Oh crap, do I have to have sex tonight?' or ‘Oh crap, you want sex now? Can't you see I'm exhausted?' To get back your sexual desire, you need to start having positive thoughts toward sex," she explains.

How can you go about doing that? Think about something that is an indulgence, such as a bath, a professional massage or reading a book uninterrupted for an hour. You look forward to this time because it is all about you.

Similarly, "when going into the sexual experience you should feel that it's all about you," says Read, " and that your needs, wants and desires do matter and will be attended to."

She also suggests building the anticipation by giving your lover a hint about what he or she can expect, whether by sending a "sext" message, writing a love note or whispering something suggestive in his or her ear.

2. Find ways to be intimate with your partner
"Having an orgasm is about 5 per cent of what sex can be. Therefore, you need to refocus your attention to the sensual side of sex," says Read.

She suggests looking for ways to show each other how much you care. "Small, affectionate gestures done every day can help create intimacy outside and inside the bedroom," she explains.

Her suggestions? "Kiss each other before you leave the house and then kiss each other when you return," she says. "Turn off the TV, computer and phone, and give each other your full attention. Call or text during the day just to say you're thinking about them."

Over time you'll see how these small gestures will add up to an incredible amount of happiness.


  • 1
  • 2
All rights reserved. Transcontinental Media G.P. © 2014