There was a time when I went to bed with the hope of finding something other than a good book between the covers – Johnny Depp without his pirate shirt on, for example. But nowadays when it comes to spontaneous sexual desire… well, let's just say it's not often there. Somewhere between picking the kids up at day care and dropping them off at university, my libido went AWOL and left a paperback in its place.
Seems I'm not the only one: in the past few years, the publishing industry has cranked out a bookshelf's worth of literature aimed at helping women fire up their sputtering mojo. Titles such as The Orgasmic Diet: A Revolutionary Plan to Lift Your Libido and Bring You to Orgasm (Crown, 2007) by Marrena Lindberg and I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido (Broadway, 2007) by Joan Sewell point to a problem – or rather, a perceived problem – in the boudoirs of the nation.
Why are we suddenly so neurotic about the nookie (or the lack of it) in our lives?
According to the experts – sex therapists, hormone researchers, gerontologists, family doctors – the discussion of women's libidos is not new; it's been going on for decades at professional levels. What is new, though, is that it has only recently entered the mainstream media and started being discussed among friends over coffee. Everyone has a theory about why we're suddenly OK with talking about the desire deficit: Some say that these days, the societal spotlight shines on whatever issues baby boomers are facing; others suggest that the popular "Sex and the City" TV series made women reassess the quality of their sex lives; and still others think that Viagra has made women wonder if there might soon be a little blue pill with their names on it.
Whatever the reason, women across the age spectrum are turning to their doctors, therapists, friends and even their mothers to ask the burning question: how much sex is normal?
A question of quantity
It's normal to have sex three times a night, seven days a week, says Laurie Betito, a psychologist and sex therapist who hosts "Passion," a popular call-in radio show heard nightly in Montreal on CJAD 800. But don't panic yet, because it's also perfectly normal to have sex once a quarter.
"There is just no such thing as a ‘normal' sex drive," says Betito, who has been in private practice for more than 20 years. "I get this all the time – women who've heard they should be having sex so many times a week, or that they should want it more than they do. There is simply no correct measure."
Page 1 of 4 – On page 2, learn why hormones aren't likely the culprit to your bedroom blues.
