How to build trust in a relationship

How to build trust in a relationship

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How to build trust in a relationship

How do you trust someone in an intimate relationship? Most of us have been touched at some point in our lives by the hurt of betrayal or abandonment in an intimate relationship, whether by a parent, lover, friend, wife or husband.

On the cover of tabloids, we see stories every day of people cheating on one another and leaving long-term relationships for someone new. These popular negative messages and familiar experiences can make anyone feel pessimistic about love and become fearful, leaving them to ask if it it truly possible to be in a relationship that could be worthy of their trust.

The answer is yes! Trustworthy relationships do exist and in them, we find both individuals and relationships that are thriving.

How do we find and experience a trusting relationship?
Creating a trustworthy relationship can be accomplished. Relationships expert and love educator Karinna Kittles-Karsten shows you how with a few simple steps.

We can be blinded by love. In a cloud of initial admiration, we can get swept away with just the possibility of love. The intoxication of this experience is powerful, and for the moments we are in it, we can feel like life is at its best. In these moments, we can project all of our dreams onto the person we desire. And whether this individual is able to or not, they become pinned as the highway to our happiness and fulfillment.

Attraction to one or several qualities in another can be immediate; however, it is important to discover what lies beneath the initial appeal.

Trust your own knowledge

Intuition can be one of our greatest allies when seeking an intimate relationship that is worthy of our trust. First intuitions can be correct, but often we forget them quickly. Trust what feels right to you and what doesn't.

Don't be afraid to question your perceptions. You will most often find out that there is validity to your hunches.

Be discerning in the present

Seeing clearly what is right in front of us is an important skill for creating an intimate relationship that we can trust. Many of us have found ourselves falling into that well-intended pitfall of seeing the potential in someone. Our projections of someone can leave us living in the hope of the future and illusions instead of trusting what is present right now.

Figuring out who we can trust can be difficult. For instance, we might be kept from seeing someone's potential (or limitations) as an emotionally committed partner if he or she has a hard time communicating their affection and love to us or can't keep their eyes and hands off other people. Another example would be banking solely on the potential in an individual's worldly success if he or she were not already committed to a path of success in their lives.

People are capable of amazing feats of change, especially when they are committed to self-reflection and growth. However, awareness and discernment of what values, strengths, patterns, pursuits and actions are present within a person in the present moment will more accurately define who that person is and will become.

By taking our rose-colored glasses off and taking a good look at what is right in front of us, we are more capable of gauging a person we can trust.
Act with integrity

If you seek a trustworthy intimate partner, be the person you wish to be in a relationship with. Speak honestly, keep your word and act with integrity yourself.

It is important to fill ourselves with real nourishment, self-love, exercise, spiritual wisdom and also with healthy foods, thoughts and activities. If we don't, we come to a relationship from a place of emptiness.

Emptiness produces a wanting and a neediness that creates a variety of behaviors that push away what we really want in a loving, trusting and healthy relationship.

For instance, emotional neediness can alienate a potentially wonderful intimate partner and good friend. Physical wanting can turn into provoking the sexual attention of your coworkers, flirting with your friend's partners and having indiscriminate sex. These behaviors are signs of emptiness and a lack of self-love that produces distrust of your character and the opposite of what you really desire.

Take care of yourself so that your inner being is harmonious and integrated.

Overcoming hurt

If you have been hurt by an untrustworthy partner, it is hard to want to trust again or to fully commit to being trustworthy yourself. However, that just creates a pattern of disharmony and distrust in your life.

Even though it may be challenging, create a trustworthy identity through your words and actions that will develop more trust in yourself and draw more trust into your life.

Surround yourself with trustworthy people

Take the time to assess the people in your life and be honest with yourself: Is each friend trustworthy? By analyzing your relationships, you will see how much trust is already in your life and where you need to create more.

Creating a support system of trustworthy people will help you be more discerning and develop a trustworthy, intimate relationship.

Build a trusting relationship

If you are seeking a trusting, loving relationship, you must make decisions more thoughtfully, more wisely, with deeper connectivity to your intuition rather than just with your hormones or mental rationale. Be clear about what is present in a prospective partner and relationship; act with trustworthiness and integrity; and surround yourself with people you can trust.

Developing trust more fully allows us the opportunity to experience feeling safe in loving relationships. Then we can begin to open our hearts, relax our bodies and share our dreams to our greatest ability with a partner truly worthy of our trust.

Karinna Kittles-Karsten is an internationally recognized love educator and keynote speaker on creating high quality LOVE in our personal relationships as well as global connectivity. She is author of the best-selling book, Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art of Love, and the creator/host of the popular DVD Sacred Love-Making. For more information visit


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How to build trust in a relationship