Unless you've been living under a rock for the past year, you've been beaten over the head by the utterly rancid "low-carb" craze currently sweeping the nation. Well, it's finally gone too far. I recently read FOUR WORDS about this mania that were so bizarre they nearly caused a short circuit in my cerebral cortex. I suppose my reaction to reading these four words could best be described as similar to the "fem-bots" reaction to seeing Austin Powers' mojo for the first time. I'm told I started twitching and moving my arms in a robotic motion, although thankfully my head did not actually explode (unlike the poor fem-bots).
I would like to share these four words with you. However, the fem-bot story should serve as a WARNING. I cannot be held responsible for your reaction to reading these four words. It's clear that in the creation of the human language, these four words were never meant to be combined in the same sentence. Okay, you've been warned. Here are the four words that should break the "low-carb" delusional spell that seems to have been cast on millions of people all over the world: "PIZZA IN A BUCKET."
Yes, you read that correctly. "Pizza In A Bucket" is the latest and most blatantly opportunistic low-carb offering from a pizza chain jumping on the low-carb bandwagon. Basically the pizza is made by melting a blob of cheese and toppings into a big greasy cheese pile. Then they stuff the gooey cheese ball into a tin can and put a lid on it for delivery. I can hardly wait to order one of these gooey masses! The "net carb" count has got to be single digits. Pizza in a bucket is the answer to all our prayers. Bikini season, here I come!
We smiled when fast food began offering burgers wrapped in lettuce sans bun. We had a good chuckle when the food industry introduced "low-carb ketchup" (seriously, do you know how much regular ketchup you'd have to eat to get fat?). We only slightly cringed when low-carb beer was promoted as the new sports drink. But pizza in a bucket takes the cake (or should I say "takes the steak," since cake has sugar in it!).
The fact is, in the real world, low-carb eating is a bad idea for both practical and scientific reasons. And although eating bacon 24/7 sounds like a great idea, it won't take long before you'll find yourself gagging at the site of anything "pig." Come on people; are you really so naÃ¯ve to believe that pig fat is the healthier choice over an apple?
If you"re still not convinced that low carb isn't the way to go -- try it and get it over with. Don't take my word for it. Seriously. I've tried it and it lived up to my expectations. In fact, within two days of starting that "diet" my energy levels crashed, my body began to look soft and deflated and man was I irritable. Add to that the fact that I felt like a moron going out to dinner with friends and ordering a steak with more steak on the side. What a ridiculous way to live.
I could go on, but I think you get my point. You know instinctively that Pizza In a Bucket is just plain wrong. Forget the fads, the quick fixes, the outrageous claims and the empty promises. Finding a smart, healthy, balanced nutrition and exercise program is still the best solution to lifelong healthy living.
Meagan Brunner is the founder of Kinetix Living Inc. She's known as the chubby girl who became a world-class fitness model. Kinetix Living offers a tailored fat-loss solution that revolves around a sound nutrition and exercise program. To learn more about the Kinetix Living program, products and publications visit www.kinetixliving.com or call 1-866-KINETIX.