Last week, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced that they were "consciously uncoupling," which for the rest of us would mean divorce. It all sounded a bit airy-fairy, more-special-than-thou to me. But as the days have worn on I've decided I'm a fan of the phrase, as long as it's applied correctly. Here are 3 people from whom I'm about to consciously uncouple. The Facebook ranter It is just my family or does every family have one member who uses Facebook as a means to beat an already-dead horse? Look, we get it, the Calgary Flames should have won game 6 of the 2004 Stanley Cup Finals and therefore nothing good ever happens in Florida, ever. Please don't use my vacation pictures as the next location for revenge on the state. (We really do need some social media etiquette rules.) The food evangelist When entertaining, I really do want to know who among my guests has gone gluten-/sugar-/dairy-free. I love feeding people things they can actually eat, and also it's kind of fun, a game of "find the appetizer everyone can share!" But please don't scrutinize my plate. Pasta is one of life's great pleasures, and I don't think I'll be happier if I give it up. (Although if I do, these Dairy-Free Gluten-Free Molten Chocolate Lava Cakes might just make up for it.) The random texter True story: I once accidentally texted a picture of my son to the wrong number. For whatever reason (my obvious fertility? The beauty of my genetic line?) the recipient took it upon himself to hit on me every few weeks -- after I'd apologized and made it clear the picture wasn't intended for him -- until I blocked the number. Maybe I'm showing my age, but I think one should know who is on the other end of the phone before having text conversations. This is, after all, the age in which you can congregate with like-minded people on the Internet at any time. (We do, however, have a guide for sexting the one you're with.) Who's on your list for conscious uncoupling?