Hey kids, it’s time to celebrate Orange and Black Day!! You know, where we wear funny costumes –no witches, vampires or ghouls, please – and then paint harvest vegetables because knives are sharp and pointy, much like the banned witches hats, and we don’t want anyone to worry.
Seriously? Can we just accept and celebrate Halloween for what it is? A festival celebrating the final fall harvest. (Btw, the ghosts and ghouls come from the tradition of remembering loved ones who’ve died.) So what’s next? Thanksgiving will now be called Tryptophan Over-Indulgence Day? Maybe we can do Poppy Day and watch the Wizard of Oz! Then it’ll be time to decorate the Seasonal Greenery! But please, no red or green ornaments –they’re so passé. And please refrain from any mention of a fat, I mean heavy-set, I mean robust man with venison, being generous. How rude. Also candy canes will be renamed because elderly abuse is on the rise and we don’t want to offend anyone. Oh and Menoras will now be replaced with sustainable energy flashlights. Now doesn’t that make you want to celebrate?